Groomed, Radicalised, Gone

Transition was an escape for our daughter, from herself, from femaleness. We did everything we could to reach her & to hold that loving line, but some things can only ever be fully realised over time

Elliot Page appears A LOT in my screenshots for this piece; likely because her “journey” and some of her expressed difficulties mirror those of our daughter; particularly the deeply felt need to disconnect from femaleness. As I describe in my pinned story, her body had let her down, her dreams lay shattered, and she needed to be re-born.

There were many bleak moments during the early years of my trans “education”. I became exhausted by my own inner monologue. The kind of things people were saying or trying to rationalise left me feeling that my mind was broken. I lost trust - in everything and everybody. We were already suffering grief and loss caused by our daughters estrangement and surgery, and my sanity was shot to pieces. So much so, that when I first came across the image above my first thought was “How come I never learnt about this in school?” and “Why didn’t I know about this? Why did no-one tell me?”

Of course it’s hokum, but my thinking was corrupted by some kind of proxy parasite of trans insanity. And this parasite injected a code string into my brain that made me think “If X is true, that means < anything could be true >”

Our daughter had tests for a neurodivergent condition while away from home. She achieved the “correct” result on her 2nd attempt. She was also a lesbian for a short time, before declaring her non-binary trans identity and instantly dismissing us from her life when we tentatively suggested some things might not be wise choices to make. We never stood a chance of further supporting her; so powerful was the grooming behind our backs, and so expertly had the seeds been sowed. Her beliefs were cemented. Parents can’t win, whatever they do. If only I had the understanding I have now, back then - when detransitioners stories were barely heard. Before the pipeline was fully understood.

I believe our daughters double mastectomy met (for her) a need to purge herself, as described above. “Start over again, in the way I’m meant to be”

This is a text from another (different) girl trying to go no contact with her mother. It’s very similar in tone to the kind of texts that eventually ditched us: “I hate you SO much for what you’ve put me through, I want you OUT of my Life! Oh and by the way, I’ll be over to pick up my laundry/parcel/whatever soon. Love you”. Those <ditch the parents> texts mask a horribly cruel blow with an incongruous nod to the ordinary & everyday, as if they can’t comprehend their own lack of empathy, or understand how the bigger news might be experienced by the recipient. Like an over-reach from a person with a personality disorder that has no empathy, having had their empathy driven out by narcissistic rage. The psychoactive effects of testosterone on mood and anger don’t help either.

I still have nightmares of her face under frosty ice, as the girl she was before her distress kicked-in, screaming (at someone/something). I think the ice represents her receding from everything, or vanishing from view. I’ve always said I’d never let our only daughter become the elephant in the room, with wider family (hence, compiling Dentons Digest). And I NEVER will. I still hope for her and pray for her health (I’m not religious) and still love her to pieces, however she “identifies”. Transgenderism turned her into the person she is today, someone we’ve never even met, someone who miraculously materialised into the universe. It is literally incomprehensible.

There’s a particular kind of girl that Eliza Mondegreen writes about with so much insight - those that feel alienated, are quirky and socially awkward, want to escape their female bodies and comparisons of any kind

My daughter came out with the exact same line, when trying to explain her own distress, and now promotes her “identity” to encourage other girls to live their authentic lives. Many people misunderstand how grooming actually works IRL. They caricature it; like some 1970’s public information film - as if some dodgy geezer invites a small child to go and see his puppies in the back of a van. Trans grooming is a relentless “programming” of others, that re-shapes thoughts with language twists, and re-shapes a “trans” persons life story & history to justify drastic changes they make to their lives, families & bodies. And they need those decisions confirmed, by collusion and 100% compliance with others. It’s a contract you’re coerced to consent with.

She drew beautiful comic cartoons of alien-like creatures she found great joy in making, as a young teenager. Years later she explained these beautiful articulations of the strangeness of growing-up and Homo Sapien diversity, as evidence of her “dysphoria”, of always wanting to be something other than what she was.

2 years after that, she was given an entire chapter of a book, in which she completely re-wrote her history, and accused her parents of abuse and neglect. The cult bubble in her university town had turned her into someone I no longer recognised as our daughter, and my family would never be the same again. Still love her, still miss her, still long for the good nature and curiosity that she had until the cult pummelled it out of her.

Her tortured artworks on Etsy were full of these inner voices. She seemed to be wanting to absolve herself & disappear her former self into a new self that would be free of former burdens and difficulties. I can’t forgive all those people that encouraged her to be so secretive. I believe sociopaths & manipulative people are very adept at identifying this vulnerability or predisposition in others.

Our daughter never self-harmed (to our knowledge), but bullying by exclusion and difficulties “fitting in” existed. I think sometimes when young women transition before really finding out and exploring their sexual orientation, they can become very fixated on, and idealise male freedoms & the more carefree perks of being male (embodied within the young male) without necessarily being attracted to their bodies, and I think this is a source of confusion for them.

Mother as Abuser ←flips → Abuse OF the Mother, externalising the shame. Father? (if parents are together, as we are) likely considered Enabler, or “collateral damage”, or dispensable. How would we know? fathers in this mess rarely step forward.

Understanding and clarity is a slow path. Reality-based parents who have lost their children, you are not to blame. I wish and hope they return to you, with all my heart. Thank you for reading