Shame, Projection & Splitting

An ordinary fathers path towards understanding, with grateful thanks to those who have helped. Here's one for other parents and families affected

Denton has recently taken a much darker turn than I ever imagined it could. So I find myself surprised at how many of my recent posts reflect a kind of exasperated horror at the evil that MEN do, within this “movement”. I’ve not changed in that thinking at all, but I’m going to re-orientate and bring it back around to the personal again while I try to refocus on some positives; reminding myself constantly WHY I do this. It’s a vigil for our much-loved daughter who exiled us from her life 6 yrs ago.

I put myself through this BECAUSE our daughter has been abused and radicalised by men who took advantage of a vulnerability they prized, and she kept that from her parents. And I’m not supposed to talk about it, or complain about it, let alone scream with rage at the injustice and cruelty of it all. So I’ve been posting samples of the kind of culture and propaganda that fuels the gender cult ever since. It’s part of an honest “education” I promised our daughter I’d take, in order to try to understand and support her better as she started to retreat, slowly and stealthily, until the grooming overwhelmed us all and she was gone, in a flash. While our lives just hang somewhere, in suspended animation.

So here are some thoughts, in screenshot form. Some of them are personal insights on < things she went through > during her transition, others are insights from others that simply resonated powerfully with our truth. If I don’t manage full captions (due to post length limit) I’m happy to discuss any of these insights with parents or therapists, trans widows or trans siblings, in the comments section - especially so if you want to challenge any of my analysis, or even if you just want to say that you saw this/felt this too.

The McCarthyism of trans ideology, public shaming, and struggle sessions

Thank you Joe Burgo @jburgo55 forever grateful you summarised exactly what I saw through the many tortured artworks our daughter posted on Etsy. I was struggling to find the language to describe it but you nailed it perfectly.

I think personal shame and rumination go hand-in-hand when shame is seeded internally. Affirming therapists will encourage young trans people to externalise that shame at any cost, by no longer looking at it, by no longer taking any responsibility for examining its source. Then they blow a gasket and externalise it forcefully. And so, in effect, shame becomes blame, and this monstrous projection is directed and aimed at those who become the enemy. US. PARENTS. Holding a loving line doesn’t always work (it didn’t in our case) but some gender-troubled kids will be ok with 96% support (as they might “see” it) while others will have ditched parents at 86% support or less (again, as they might “see” it)

Young women (broadly speaking) appear to want to opt out of sexual objectification, older men demand to be allowed in - children being their proxies, and compliant women being their handmaidens and enablers.

Thank you Jonathan Shedler @JonathanShedler for such clarity

Projections: Let’s pretend the person projected into is a sponge, and not a mirror

I became aware of this splitting phenomenon very early on. I explored the anonymous personal accounts of 38 people who claimed to have a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. All of them reported emotional disregulation, and the division of people in their lives to be either 100% evil or 100% good. I started to wonder whether some kind of new personality disorder is actually forming or whether BPD and other personality disorders somehow find a natural “home” with idealistic young people predisposed to disordered thinking by the internet age and our detachments (screen life, covid separations etc). I don’t claim any kind of expertise or training in this area, but as a layman and father with an estranged daughter I was driven to follow my own curiosity as part of my “education”.

I was always stumped by “How on earth could she be so cruel to you?” because I just felt that she had NO IDEA that what she was doing to herself was so destructive, on every level. Nor that her behaviour and beliefs had such a catastrophic effect on those who love her the most. Thank you Jonathan, this one really hit home

And then this popped up, as I remember how she ran into the arms of her “Queer Family” thinking she’d found her tribe

Children as “wish fulfilment proxies” is a very powerful turn of phrase. Yes, that would confirm the 361 screenshots I already had of trans-identified men, invoking the anxieties & difficulties of children’s & young peoples puberties, to account for and “excuse” their paraphilia. Couldn’t find any examples of transitioning women doing this. Let me tell you, it really sucks when the “professional” gender organisations platform these men, soft-soap them, and give them a platform in a bid to bring on-board “all voices”. I’m afraid my inclusivity doesn’t stretch that far, having seen how they groomed our daughter, and gaslit everyone around them.

Guess which psychological “mechanism” is employed to dismiss thought 2 ?

These brought me to tears. I recognise the energetic behind this, and the mental exhaustion and distress. One could argue that this is MY projection at work, since these 2 examples show what I most want to see - evidence that our child still loves us despite everything, and that HOPE (& sanity) will eventually return her to us

The de-coupling of homophobia from transphobia is a crucial addition and powerful adjunct strategy to fighting for retaining women’s rights AND the unspeakable damage we do children and young people. LGB <———————>TQ+

Remind the young queer progs and the older, gay men (BBC luvvies, elitists & politicians), that projecting discrimination and oppression (due in part to actual homophobic discrimination in older gay mens earlier lives) onto a completely different time/demographic/group creates a false comparison and that lesbian, gay & bisexual people NEVER once cut up the bodies of healthy but troubled young people to appease a cult ideology. Even Sam’s projection of shame above, is a mask to hide this despicable conflation behind, in order to appear to be doing good and fight for justice against those nasty right-wing hateful bigots (us). Thanks for reading, at max length here x