Thanks for commenting Spencer, I'm finding more and more disillusionment with left politics because of its authoritarian, illiberal nature. Rather than turn me towards the right, it makes me try and fight harder to return leftists back to some kind of common sense and promote the kind of Old Labour values which have just been abandoned now in this death spiral into identity politics and the desperate need for the votes of the young/woke. I also think the" perception" that so-called gender critical people of any flavour are somehow instantly aligned to the right is doing the pushback immense harm - I see this playing out far more in the States than here in the UK, although even here it's feverishly framed as right wing bigotry. I think Cause Conflation has a lot to do with it; when the left hijack or force team things like abortion rights and bundle in LGBTQ "hate" as a single umbrella issue, people seem to go along with it because the propaganda is so powerful and there aren't alternative voices just asking people to decouple the issues. I don't think feminism is in anyway a cult, or operates like a cult. Again, I think this is a successful kind of DARVO-like tactic of the left to paint opposition as some bunch of cultists, and from what I can gather over the last 4 years it's just not true that there is "toxicity on both sides". This is patently bullshit. I DO believe that there are cult-like attachments of groupthink such as intersectional feminists/3rd-wave feminists who attach themselves as allies to the trans movement and ride on their coattails, completely betraying the feminism and rights that their mothers and grandmothers fought hard for. It's a right mess. Thanks for commenting and please come back any time or subscribe, I'm keen to get a diversity of views and try to get a talking space open here :-) Thanks again
May I just say, that there are lots of people 'on the left' in the UK, who are fighting back against the Trans cult. Stonewall was an LGB charity, which was taken over by trans activists, like cuckoos in the nest- and then influenced Labour, Lib Dems and Greens policy- masquerading as an opressed minority. Using the GRA (Gender Reassignment Act), but more importantly sneaking 'trans rights' into the 2010 Equality Act, meant anybody even asking questions about trans issues could be deemd a 'hate crime' in law. This was the tactic that allowed them to silence media, and social media, and stifle debate. All the grooming and manipulation that you describe, could not have built up and got established, if any spotlight had ever shone on it. Tragically, a generation of teenagers now have been told in primary school and online, that is actually possible to change your biological sex. Peer pressure then starts to confirm and further brainwash youngsters- that changing your 'gender identity' (whatever that is supposed to be...) might somehow be the answer to various troubling personal issues. As you say, they validate each other- and all controlled by the middle-aged AGP men who don't want surgery themselves, but happily wish it on the young. I'd just like to repeat, that to me, this is not a Left vs. Right issue, politically: it is like Brexit, cutting across political affiliations.
It is unimaginable the pain you must be experiencing. I think of my own children, how I would react to them following this path and can't begin to express it. Those who preach the "be kind" message and deny the reality of this evil, destructive ideology should be forced to read and acknowledge this. Thank you for laying it out so eloquently. I am so sorry for what has hit your family.
Thanks Nick 🙏🏼 appreciate your feedback. After 4 yrs I've come to the conclusion that getting behind the Be Kind mantra is the biggest challenge of all - and getting men on board too. Feel free to call back or comment any time :-)
I could barely read through this, because it instilled in me a visceral fear. Too many similarities with what I am living in the last weeks of my professional life. I wish we, the Parents of the Trans-Trance Kids could reach out and hold you.
I'm like you. A dad, who adores his daughter, who was a bouncy, slightly awkward, pretty girl with thick blond hair. Somehow, behind the facade, there was a bullied soul (she is brilliant, by age 8 she spoke 4 languages, outstanding in maths, creative, but here friends in school were not very nice). And that sould slipped, got confused about budding adolescence, and went dysmorphic , and one day she landed a solid punch. On us, her parents.
Like you, I educated myself. I even went to the local "shelter" to speak to a totally incompetent leader there, a fellow who never had kids, who was stiff and manipulative, who showed me the usual rubbish about suicide and suffering kids.
I was declared persona non grata there after thge 1h40m "conversation." Not because I yelled and screamed. But because I asked questions, I came up with stats, I wondered about the speedy directing toward some butcher to cut off breasts and the daily dose of T. I asked why there was such an epidemic, and suggested it might be social media... Those were my "hurtful" words.
I'm holding back for the moment. My communbication with my daughter is fluid and fairly good. She's a little afraid of me, because I have educated myself, from Hirschfeld to Money, from Lacan to Butler. A small victory was that I spoiled the "shelter" for her. I showed her the letters I wrote them pointing out their contradictions.
But I have some experience with addicts and cults.
Courage, Denton, courage. All I can say is: Make sure she knows that you will ALWAYS be there for her (and I say her.... I told my daughter that I have diffficulty with that Orwellian pronoun mind-f---). They sometimes detransition, and at that point they will need you to just love unconditionally as parents should do.... That's what I told my daughter: If you have to trust someone, trust those who will always love you. .
Thank you Talleyrand, for responding and telling me of your own situation. Apologues too, for getting back to you so late but I'm only just starting to get to grips with sub stack - I've so much to learn and in the meantime I'm trying to get work in and lead a balanced life :-) Your advice is very much what we've taken on board, even more so in the light of recent zoom meet-up with a cult expert. We try to change the nature of any message we send, just to keep it "no pressure" and as light as possible. Please feel free to come back here any time. I feel it's so important to hear from other fathers. Use my comments box to post on if you like. Anyway, thanks for sharing a little of what you're going through too
Thank you so much for this, dear Denton! I am a mom of a non-binary-identified young adult daughter who has for now cut her father, brother, and me out of her life. Your beautiful and heart-breaking narrative captures so much of what we have experienced better than any other piece I have read by a parent in these circumstances. I will look forward to anything else you have to share.
Thank you SO much Rebecca, and much love to you and your family. Everything about Trans Estrangements seems so easily misunderstood, so new - like there's no real recognised model for it, like I described, no road map or guide on what to expect, how to cope. But we carry on, good luck to you all
Fellow parent of a trans-identifying child. Thank you. You are heard and you have good company. We just all have to keep trying, talking to whoever will listen. Help isn't coming from outside — no lawsuits, no sudden awakening in the idiot medical community, no growing awareness in the politicians shoving this down our throats. It will be parents that stop this horror show. Parents and time. If you haven't connected with any of the parent support groups, I highly recommend it. It's gotten me through the past year and a half. And if I were you, I would consider blocking the few disturbed monsters that are writing garbage comments, and deleting them. Let them spew their sick, ignorant nonsense on Twitter. You don't owe them a platform.
Thanks for your thoughts and feedback, love and power and strength to you, your words of support mean an awful lot. I'll probably be leaving abusive comments on - if only because I think throwing a light on this kind of thing helps others see just how low people can really go and I don't mind in the least that others see it, for that very reason. I can take it, it's water off a ducks back to me. I've had far worse on Twitter over the last 4 years! Even the few idiots that come here are easily outnumbered by the writers and responders who show up in good faith. So just as Twitter seems to work, a bad ratio is a bad ratio :-)
I know people who regard bringing attention to the attempted erosion of sex based rights, the invasion of women's spaces, sports and the medicalization of children and teenagers as a side show, a right-wing war on woke stirred up by the Daily Mail and other right-wing media.
I am saving this and I shall forward it to those I know who think this way because I think this is one the most powerful testaments that with great clarity reveals just how nasty and insidious this cult is.
If this account of Denton's experiences doesn't enable those who regard opposition to the cult of transgenderism as right wing scaremongering to understand, then nothing will.
It's stories like this, and some I know closer to myself personally, that disillusioned me with the left. Ultimately, it broke down a sort of wall. Could I be wrong, I asked myself? Leftists never really question their convictions because they come with an absolute moral imperative for action. It's like asking whether or not God is the bad guy and Satan is the good guy for a Christian. It's unthinkable because it's, allegedly, so obvious and true. Liberalism, leftism. These are religious cults, and it set the template for the gender madness we face.
As I said, questioning my preconceived ideology was like questioning God. And it began with the trans issue for me. It was like losing my religion. Poltics isn't meant to operate like this( I came to realize that as well). Leftism, transgenderism, communism, and even feminism operate as cults with dogmas, ostraciztion, the threat thereof, holy days and books, and a theology. It's so far beyond politics. This is one reason these are socially powerfully forces.
Here I am now, married, with children too young to get caught up in this....yet, I do fear for them and the world they are growing into. But my wife and I(used to be "intellectual" lefties) are firmly right wing, part of the actual counter-culture, ironically.
I discovered that the right wing isn't the caricature we were raised to believe-- rednecks and skinheads, etc. But that there is a solid intellectual tradition and respectability, and it's stronger and truer than anything the left can offer. The left rests on a foundation of lies. This is a hard truth.
No- Transgenderism is nothing to do with Left vs Right. Trans activists have targetted all parties, but they often successfully tricked the left, by pretending to be another 'Liberation Struggle', and gained a foothold in many places- in the UK, capturing political parties, organisations, institutions, media- which allowed the Trans Cult to flourish. Once all the 'left' parties validated trans dogma, it meant the(Right Wing) Conservative party can now attack their opposition, on this issue. Good luck for your own family. And I hope Denton doesn't mind me commenting on his heart-wrenching testimony: I will leave a message for him.
Don't mind you commenting at all, I welcome all opinions - even those I disagree with. I found (during the course of my own "education") that it's incredibly easy to paint transgenderism either way; by which I mean, if you're a traditional UK leftie liberal you'll view transgenderism positively - as all part of the whole social justice movement, a righteous cause. an issue of fairness, inclusivity etc because the propaganda is very successful at placing it there. And liberals always champion the "underdog", unjustly oppressed and all the rest of it. If you're a righty, transgenderism is yet more evidence of the collapse of moral values and the disintegration of a decent, god-fearing society and all of that crap. That's why it's such a polarised issue.
I'm more of an "Old Labour" type, always politically left, but completely at sea in understanding why Labour has lost its heart and has become cowed and appeasing and timid. Leadership is absent, and MP's generally too busy & too banal to take much notice of things they wish would just go away. I'm politically hopeless and strangely I'm developing an interest in seeing a greater sense of social responsibility emerging from the (trad) right wing.
BUT I'm kind of agreeing with both of you :-D of course it's appealing to the left, but it's way bigger than L v R because it's about humanity < at large > and the political and ideological differences that used to separate and differentiate between L & R are no longer clear or visible, to me at least. A lot of people want a compromise "moderate" party, I just want to remove the whole thing from "stereotypically" L v R prisms. Like you both say, it's just WAY bigger than that. I see cracks staring to appear but we're still a long way away
I can't tell you how much it means to me, to be actually believed! Part of the reason that this thing has taken 4 years to write, is because I can still scarcely believe it myself. I'm still in shock, my wife andI still affected by the trauma. I start to write something and then think "nah, can't write that, no-one would believe me" and so the critic and the editor on each of my shoulders are both pecking away at my brains 'till I reach a state of complete inertia, unable to shape a simple sentence haha But anyways, I made it in the end, and will build on it. Thanks for your support
I think stories and experiences like yours are written out of the big narrative of trans. Challenging the narrative means you're automatically demonized, because the narrative says so. And you, as you say, have experienced trauma. That trauma involves your living, loved daughter, and it cannot be truly resolved and put behind you. Ime, it's very hard to organize one's thoughts and memories and construct one's story in the face of all this. Ongoing grief and trauma disorganize us. But you have shared your story, however long it took, and it is suffused with truth and fairness, and with your love for your daughter.
Thank you, the only way I managed to wade through the treacle of trying to describe the bigger picture; the context within which our daughters transitioned was facilitated, was with the help of a very dear therapist friend of mine, plus the ongoing mutual support of my wife, and mine for her. We are each others rock. I've also been able to find periods of detachment which has helped enormously. Events like this create an unstoppable monologue that churns 24/7 - conversations we should be having, things I should have said, things I wish she'd said, wondering if she's aware of what she's done, whether she even thinks of us or misses us. It's relentless because there's no resolution in sight, no closure. We're fighting for her right to happiness and health. It's very different to grief, because with grief you go through known and understood stages. But when your child is "out there", living their life like an avatar, while burying the real self in the frozen ground, it's like being held under a psychic spell. I find the hardest thing sometimes is when they contact a different member of our wider family, it feels like punishment, like it's done to bypass us and rub our noses in it. It's also self-punishment for the old self that let her down. I'm also aware that there are many parents who go through this alone, and my heart goes out to them, I can't imagine what that's like
I'm sorry for any interpretations I imposed on you ("grief," for instance). My own related experiences are as a cult survivor, in a scenario that involved my child. I see similarities and there must be differences, too, that I'm not fully aware of. One thing I recognize in what you're saying is your blaming yourself. I don't know you, but I don't believe you've done anything wrong. In normal-ish circumstances, as parents we make mistakes, and so do our kids, and the people around us, and we acknowledge that and try again. Controlling ideologies that deny reality break families apart deliberately. I see encoded in some belief systems that parents (the people who ideally may be best positioned to help and support someone) are suspect and must be sidelined, unless they are simply delivering their children to the system without question. But it is not a parent's job to hand their kids over mindlessly to anything, but to guide them, help them handle reality, and protect them. So it seems to me you're being punished for being a good parent.
I'm glad you have support. That has made all the difference for me, too.
This an incredibly moving honest account of a cruel nightmare. I am so sorry Denton, for what you, your wife, son, and daughter, and all your family, have suffered. Thank you for sharing. You are also a brilliant writer, so you tell your story superbly, and give a huge amount of information clearly. Despite the sadness, pain, fear, outrage, trauma and anger, etc, we can see how you are still offering love, and keeping the door open for later. If it is any small help, more and more men like myself, are realising what an evil travesty this trans Cult is.
Thank you for sharing your story. We’re in it with you. Our daughter left home at 17 saying she was non-binary without even giving us the chance to try to understand. She later cut all ties after starting testosterone at 18 with plans for top surgery and phalloplasty. She cut the whole family off. The only visibility we have to her life are comments on Reddit since we know her user name. She portrays us as f**ed up abusive parents who should burn in hell. She’s a brilliant, gifted girl. We have hope that she will see this cult for what it trust is eventually.
Im sorry Steve, I meant to get to this way earlier :-/ I've slowly come to terms with what's happened and let go of trying to stop it, because it is her life and she has to live it, as awful as the consequences are for her family. I can't spend forever living with this anger and rage, neither will I give up hope, I'll be steering Denton around soon enough to publish the artworks I've been promising. Thanks for replying, if you ever want to write your own account, I'll publish it here if you'd like, if not, no worries. Peace and strength be with you
managing my expectations but not giving up hope. I've had to allow myself to grieve the loss of my daughter. Although it's awkward because nobody else knows, understands or relates. Everything about me has changed. I'm less patient, more cynical, more judgmental etc
I'm sorry to hear that Steve. I know where you're at and it's not a great place to be in. I don't think many people understand the nature of ambiguous loss. It's far worse than grief, it's a different beast altogether. Grief is an understood (& often public) expression of a whole range of emotions usually expressed and experienced within a period of time. By which I mean, it's a natural, human process that often fades, or recedes, or morphs over time towards an acceptance, given certain conditions. I find ambiguous loss is like living under a curse, a spell, there's no end in sight, a Groundhog Day, no "what's the nest stage?". No road map, template, or blueprint. I find the secrecy unbearable. Not being able to call out the individuals who have abused our daughter, or talk about it with (some) family seems to compound the trauma. I've found that I've lost trust, an absolute fucktonne of it. Lost trust in people because they've betrayed my family, disbelieved our story, or are simply too lazy to listen. But I am getting better at dealing with it all, we're almost 5 years into the estrangement now and if I didn't have Denton, I don't know what I'd do. If you ever want to contribute something that I can share here, just let me know Steve, keen to get more dads on board but not many showing themselves and I wonder why
We've been fortunate that family knows understands and can talk about it. Unfortunately that is because she has cut them out of her life as well. And her friends. Just like a cult.
What really crushed us all was when she refused to see or even contact her family or cousin while he was dying from cancer.
Because she was more concerned about being called the wrong name or pronouns. That was the last conversations i had with her. The narcissism that goes along with trangenderism is just unbelievable.
Wasn't like he was a distant relative she only saw on holidays. This kid grew up in our home.
I don't have many specific individuals to call out. Mostly the internet and the whole pride culture. And the trans therapist she started seeing when she turned 18.
Trans-supportive therapists are a bunch of criminals imo - they're all captured and brainwashed. Those that aren't are just ignorant. My wife spent an entire session with a therapist who knew absolutely nothing about the indoctrination, and so my wife calmly and kindly "educated" the therapist. SO many medics and therapists have professional orgs that promote a trans-affirming agenda due to funding #FollowTheMoney as they say
I totally get the narcissism Steve. The engine that drives so many "identities" is the constant desire for validation, passing, celebration, specialness. Tribal acceptance. I've always felt that the narcissism that has to "enter" as fuel for that engine, simply drives out empathy, which is why the ideology (& those that promote it) seems to turn so many young people into such angry, intolerant, and fearful people. And this is a taboo that needs smashing I think
Gender ideology and critical race theory often involved ILLEGAL discrimination! Here are some recent victories I had against critical race theory in education and employment. The NYC film fund, a 7-million-dollar film fund which only helped upcoming artists if they wish to live as women, is now open to both sexes regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity because I complained to NYSDHR and they were found to have done illegal discrimination. I gathered evidence and filed complaints with NYSDHR and other FEPAs in other states, as well as OCR. Read my article to learn what my some of my victories are. https://open.substack.com/pub/justingaffneysamuels/p/using-factual-evidence-and-the-law?r=6512g&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Your account leaves me stunned and heartsick. I feel so sorry for you and your wife. My own daughter, off on a bad path, died at age 18. I could not help but see her death as her freedom from the hell she had chosen for herself.
Thanks for commenting Spencer, I'm finding more and more disillusionment with left politics because of its authoritarian, illiberal nature. Rather than turn me towards the right, it makes me try and fight harder to return leftists back to some kind of common sense and promote the kind of Old Labour values which have just been abandoned now in this death spiral into identity politics and the desperate need for the votes of the young/woke. I also think the" perception" that so-called gender critical people of any flavour are somehow instantly aligned to the right is doing the pushback immense harm - I see this playing out far more in the States than here in the UK, although even here it's feverishly framed as right wing bigotry. I think Cause Conflation has a lot to do with it; when the left hijack or force team things like abortion rights and bundle in LGBTQ "hate" as a single umbrella issue, people seem to go along with it because the propaganda is so powerful and there aren't alternative voices just asking people to decouple the issues. I don't think feminism is in anyway a cult, or operates like a cult. Again, I think this is a successful kind of DARVO-like tactic of the left to paint opposition as some bunch of cultists, and from what I can gather over the last 4 years it's just not true that there is "toxicity on both sides". This is patently bullshit. I DO believe that there are cult-like attachments of groupthink such as intersectional feminists/3rd-wave feminists who attach themselves as allies to the trans movement and ride on their coattails, completely betraying the feminism and rights that their mothers and grandmothers fought hard for. It's a right mess. Thanks for commenting and please come back any time or subscribe, I'm keen to get a diversity of views and try to get a talking space open here :-) Thanks again
May I just say, that there are lots of people 'on the left' in the UK, who are fighting back against the Trans cult. Stonewall was an LGB charity, which was taken over by trans activists, like cuckoos in the nest- and then influenced Labour, Lib Dems and Greens policy- masquerading as an opressed minority. Using the GRA (Gender Reassignment Act), but more importantly sneaking 'trans rights' into the 2010 Equality Act, meant anybody even asking questions about trans issues could be deemd a 'hate crime' in law. This was the tactic that allowed them to silence media, and social media, and stifle debate. All the grooming and manipulation that you describe, could not have built up and got established, if any spotlight had ever shone on it. Tragically, a generation of teenagers now have been told in primary school and online, that is actually possible to change your biological sex. Peer pressure then starts to confirm and further brainwash youngsters- that changing your 'gender identity' (whatever that is supposed to be...) might somehow be the answer to various troubling personal issues. As you say, they validate each other- and all controlled by the middle-aged AGP men who don't want surgery themselves, but happily wish it on the young. I'd just like to repeat, that to me, this is not a Left vs. Right issue, politically: it is like Brexit, cutting across political affiliations.
It is unimaginable the pain you must be experiencing. I think of my own children, how I would react to them following this path and can't begin to express it. Those who preach the "be kind" message and deny the reality of this evil, destructive ideology should be forced to read and acknowledge this. Thank you for laying it out so eloquently. I am so sorry for what has hit your family.
Thanks Nick 🙏🏼 appreciate your feedback. After 4 yrs I've come to the conclusion that getting behind the Be Kind mantra is the biggest challenge of all - and getting men on board too. Feel free to call back or comment any time :-)
I could barely read through this, because it instilled in me a visceral fear. Too many similarities with what I am living in the last weeks of my professional life. I wish we, the Parents of the Trans-Trance Kids could reach out and hold you.
I'm like you. A dad, who adores his daughter, who was a bouncy, slightly awkward, pretty girl with thick blond hair. Somehow, behind the facade, there was a bullied soul (she is brilliant, by age 8 she spoke 4 languages, outstanding in maths, creative, but here friends in school were not very nice). And that sould slipped, got confused about budding adolescence, and went dysmorphic , and one day she landed a solid punch. On us, her parents.
Like you, I educated myself. I even went to the local "shelter" to speak to a totally incompetent leader there, a fellow who never had kids, who was stiff and manipulative, who showed me the usual rubbish about suicide and suffering kids.
I was declared persona non grata there after thge 1h40m "conversation." Not because I yelled and screamed. But because I asked questions, I came up with stats, I wondered about the speedy directing toward some butcher to cut off breasts and the daily dose of T. I asked why there was such an epidemic, and suggested it might be social media... Those were my "hurtful" words.
I'm holding back for the moment. My communbication with my daughter is fluid and fairly good. She's a little afraid of me, because I have educated myself, from Hirschfeld to Money, from Lacan to Butler. A small victory was that I spoiled the "shelter" for her. I showed her the letters I wrote them pointing out their contradictions.
But I have some experience with addicts and cults.
Courage, Denton, courage. All I can say is: Make sure she knows that you will ALWAYS be there for her (and I say her.... I told my daughter that I have diffficulty with that Orwellian pronoun mind-f---). They sometimes detransition, and at that point they will need you to just love unconditionally as parents should do.... That's what I told my daughter: If you have to trust someone, trust those who will always love you. .
Thank you Talleyrand, for responding and telling me of your own situation. Apologues too, for getting back to you so late but I'm only just starting to get to grips with sub stack - I've so much to learn and in the meantime I'm trying to get work in and lead a balanced life :-) Your advice is very much what we've taken on board, even more so in the light of recent zoom meet-up with a cult expert. We try to change the nature of any message we send, just to keep it "no pressure" and as light as possible. Please feel free to come back here any time. I feel it's so important to hear from other fathers. Use my comments box to post on if you like. Anyway, thanks for sharing a little of what you're going through too
Thank you so much for this, dear Denton! I am a mom of a non-binary-identified young adult daughter who has for now cut her father, brother, and me out of her life. Your beautiful and heart-breaking narrative captures so much of what we have experienced better than any other piece I have read by a parent in these circumstances. I will look forward to anything else you have to share.
Thank you SO much Rebecca, and much love to you and your family. Everything about Trans Estrangements seems so easily misunderstood, so new - like there's no real recognised model for it, like I described, no road map or guide on what to expect, how to cope. But we carry on, good luck to you all
Fellow parent of a trans-identifying child. Thank you. You are heard and you have good company. We just all have to keep trying, talking to whoever will listen. Help isn't coming from outside — no lawsuits, no sudden awakening in the idiot medical community, no growing awareness in the politicians shoving this down our throats. It will be parents that stop this horror show. Parents and time. If you haven't connected with any of the parent support groups, I highly recommend it. It's gotten me through the past year and a half. And if I were you, I would consider blocking the few disturbed monsters that are writing garbage comments, and deleting them. Let them spew their sick, ignorant nonsense on Twitter. You don't owe them a platform.
Thanks for your thoughts and feedback, love and power and strength to you, your words of support mean an awful lot. I'll probably be leaving abusive comments on - if only because I think throwing a light on this kind of thing helps others see just how low people can really go and I don't mind in the least that others see it, for that very reason. I can take it, it's water off a ducks back to me. I've had far worse on Twitter over the last 4 years! Even the few idiots that come here are easily outnumbered by the writers and responders who show up in good faith. So just as Twitter seems to work, a bad ratio is a bad ratio :-)
Searing and utterly honest. Thank you for writing this as it lays everything out so clearly.
Thanks Mona, appreciate your feedback :-)
This is a public service. I’ll be sharing it with as many people as possible. Thank you for your strength and willingness to talk about this.
Thank you for writing this; it needs to be shared far and wide.
I know people who regard bringing attention to the attempted erosion of sex based rights, the invasion of women's spaces, sports and the medicalization of children and teenagers as a side show, a right-wing war on woke stirred up by the Daily Mail and other right-wing media.
I am saving this and I shall forward it to those I know who think this way because I think this is one the most powerful testaments that with great clarity reveals just how nasty and insidious this cult is.
If this account of Denton's experiences doesn't enable those who regard opposition to the cult of transgenderism as right wing scaremongering to understand, then nothing will.
Thank you so much Andy, really appreciate your comments
It's stories like this, and some I know closer to myself personally, that disillusioned me with the left. Ultimately, it broke down a sort of wall. Could I be wrong, I asked myself? Leftists never really question their convictions because they come with an absolute moral imperative for action. It's like asking whether or not God is the bad guy and Satan is the good guy for a Christian. It's unthinkable because it's, allegedly, so obvious and true. Liberalism, leftism. These are religious cults, and it set the template for the gender madness we face.
As I said, questioning my preconceived ideology was like questioning God. And it began with the trans issue for me. It was like losing my religion. Poltics isn't meant to operate like this( I came to realize that as well). Leftism, transgenderism, communism, and even feminism operate as cults with dogmas, ostraciztion, the threat thereof, holy days and books, and a theology. It's so far beyond politics. This is one reason these are socially powerfully forces.
Here I am now, married, with children too young to get caught up in this....yet, I do fear for them and the world they are growing into. But my wife and I(used to be "intellectual" lefties) are firmly right wing, part of the actual counter-culture, ironically.
I discovered that the right wing isn't the caricature we were raised to believe-- rednecks and skinheads, etc. But that there is a solid intellectual tradition and respectability, and it's stronger and truer than anything the left can offer. The left rests on a foundation of lies. This is a hard truth.
No- Transgenderism is nothing to do with Left vs Right. Trans activists have targetted all parties, but they often successfully tricked the left, by pretending to be another 'Liberation Struggle', and gained a foothold in many places- in the UK, capturing political parties, organisations, institutions, media- which allowed the Trans Cult to flourish. Once all the 'left' parties validated trans dogma, it meant the(Right Wing) Conservative party can now attack their opposition, on this issue. Good luck for your own family. And I hope Denton doesn't mind me commenting on his heart-wrenching testimony: I will leave a message for him.
Don't mind you commenting at all, I welcome all opinions - even those I disagree with. I found (during the course of my own "education") that it's incredibly easy to paint transgenderism either way; by which I mean, if you're a traditional UK leftie liberal you'll view transgenderism positively - as all part of the whole social justice movement, a righteous cause. an issue of fairness, inclusivity etc because the propaganda is very successful at placing it there. And liberals always champion the "underdog", unjustly oppressed and all the rest of it. If you're a righty, transgenderism is yet more evidence of the collapse of moral values and the disintegration of a decent, god-fearing society and all of that crap. That's why it's such a polarised issue.
I'm more of an "Old Labour" type, always politically left, but completely at sea in understanding why Labour has lost its heart and has become cowed and appeasing and timid. Leadership is absent, and MP's generally too busy & too banal to take much notice of things they wish would just go away. I'm politically hopeless and strangely I'm developing an interest in seeing a greater sense of social responsibility emerging from the (trad) right wing.
BUT I'm kind of agreeing with both of you :-D of course it's appealing to the left, but it's way bigger than L v R because it's about humanity < at large > and the political and ideological differences that used to separate and differentiate between L & R are no longer clear or visible, to me at least. A lot of people want a compromise "moderate" party, I just want to remove the whole thing from "stereotypically" L v R prisms. Like you both say, it's just WAY bigger than that. I see cracks staring to appear but we're still a long way away
I hear you and believe you. Thank you for writing.
I can't tell you how much it means to me, to be actually believed! Part of the reason that this thing has taken 4 years to write, is because I can still scarcely believe it myself. I'm still in shock, my wife andI still affected by the trauma. I start to write something and then think "nah, can't write that, no-one would believe me" and so the critic and the editor on each of my shoulders are both pecking away at my brains 'till I reach a state of complete inertia, unable to shape a simple sentence haha But anyways, I made it in the end, and will build on it. Thanks for your support
I think stories and experiences like yours are written out of the big narrative of trans. Challenging the narrative means you're automatically demonized, because the narrative says so. And you, as you say, have experienced trauma. That trauma involves your living, loved daughter, and it cannot be truly resolved and put behind you. Ime, it's very hard to organize one's thoughts and memories and construct one's story in the face of all this. Ongoing grief and trauma disorganize us. But you have shared your story, however long it took, and it is suffused with truth and fairness, and with your love for your daughter.
Thank you, the only way I managed to wade through the treacle of trying to describe the bigger picture; the context within which our daughters transitioned was facilitated, was with the help of a very dear therapist friend of mine, plus the ongoing mutual support of my wife, and mine for her. We are each others rock. I've also been able to find periods of detachment which has helped enormously. Events like this create an unstoppable monologue that churns 24/7 - conversations we should be having, things I should have said, things I wish she'd said, wondering if she's aware of what she's done, whether she even thinks of us or misses us. It's relentless because there's no resolution in sight, no closure. We're fighting for her right to happiness and health. It's very different to grief, because with grief you go through known and understood stages. But when your child is "out there", living their life like an avatar, while burying the real self in the frozen ground, it's like being held under a psychic spell. I find the hardest thing sometimes is when they contact a different member of our wider family, it feels like punishment, like it's done to bypass us and rub our noses in it. It's also self-punishment for the old self that let her down. I'm also aware that there are many parents who go through this alone, and my heart goes out to them, I can't imagine what that's like
I'm sorry for any interpretations I imposed on you ("grief," for instance). My own related experiences are as a cult survivor, in a scenario that involved my child. I see similarities and there must be differences, too, that I'm not fully aware of. One thing I recognize in what you're saying is your blaming yourself. I don't know you, but I don't believe you've done anything wrong. In normal-ish circumstances, as parents we make mistakes, and so do our kids, and the people around us, and we acknowledge that and try again. Controlling ideologies that deny reality break families apart deliberately. I see encoded in some belief systems that parents (the people who ideally may be best positioned to help and support someone) are suspect and must be sidelined, unless they are simply delivering their children to the system without question. But it is not a parent's job to hand their kids over mindlessly to anything, but to guide them, help them handle reality, and protect them. So it seems to me you're being punished for being a good parent.
I'm glad you have support. That has made all the difference for me, too.
This an incredibly moving honest account of a cruel nightmare. I am so sorry Denton, for what you, your wife, son, and daughter, and all your family, have suffered. Thank you for sharing. You are also a brilliant writer, so you tell your story superbly, and give a huge amount of information clearly. Despite the sadness, pain, fear, outrage, trauma and anger, etc, we can see how you are still offering love, and keeping the door open for later. If it is any small help, more and more men like myself, are realising what an evil travesty this trans Cult is.
Thank you Harry
Thank you for sharing your story. We’re in it with you. Our daughter left home at 17 saying she was non-binary without even giving us the chance to try to understand. She later cut all ties after starting testosterone at 18 with plans for top surgery and phalloplasty. She cut the whole family off. The only visibility we have to her life are comments on Reddit since we know her user name. She portrays us as f**ed up abusive parents who should burn in hell. She’s a brilliant, gifted girl. We have hope that she will see this cult for what it trust is eventually.
I could have wrote this. I see so many parents telling the exact same story as mine.
It's been 3 years of estrangement for us.
At this point I have conceded that there is no stopping this. it's all in the interest of population control and for the greater good of humanity
Im sorry Steve, I meant to get to this way earlier :-/ I've slowly come to terms with what's happened and let go of trying to stop it, because it is her life and she has to live it, as awful as the consequences are for her family. I can't spend forever living with this anger and rage, neither will I give up hope, I'll be steering Denton around soon enough to publish the artworks I've been promising. Thanks for replying, if you ever want to write your own account, I'll publish it here if you'd like, if not, no worries. Peace and strength be with you
I'm pretty much in the same place you are
managing my expectations but not giving up hope. I've had to allow myself to grieve the loss of my daughter. Although it's awkward because nobody else knows, understands or relates. Everything about me has changed. I'm less patient, more cynical, more judgmental etc
I'm sorry to hear that Steve. I know where you're at and it's not a great place to be in. I don't think many people understand the nature of ambiguous loss. It's far worse than grief, it's a different beast altogether. Grief is an understood (& often public) expression of a whole range of emotions usually expressed and experienced within a period of time. By which I mean, it's a natural, human process that often fades, or recedes, or morphs over time towards an acceptance, given certain conditions. I find ambiguous loss is like living under a curse, a spell, there's no end in sight, a Groundhog Day, no "what's the nest stage?". No road map, template, or blueprint. I find the secrecy unbearable. Not being able to call out the individuals who have abused our daughter, or talk about it with (some) family seems to compound the trauma. I've found that I've lost trust, an absolute fucktonne of it. Lost trust in people because they've betrayed my family, disbelieved our story, or are simply too lazy to listen. But I am getting better at dealing with it all, we're almost 5 years into the estrangement now and if I didn't have Denton, I don't know what I'd do. If you ever want to contribute something that I can share here, just let me know Steve, keen to get more dads on board but not many showing themselves and I wonder why
We've been fortunate that family knows understands and can talk about it. Unfortunately that is because she has cut them out of her life as well. And her friends. Just like a cult.
What really crushed us all was when she refused to see or even contact her family or cousin while he was dying from cancer.
Because she was more concerned about being called the wrong name or pronouns. That was the last conversations i had with her. The narcissism that goes along with trangenderism is just unbelievable.
Wasn't like he was a distant relative she only saw on holidays. This kid grew up in our home.
I don't have many specific individuals to call out. Mostly the internet and the whole pride culture. And the trans therapist she started seeing when she turned 18.
Trans-supportive therapists are a bunch of criminals imo - they're all captured and brainwashed. Those that aren't are just ignorant. My wife spent an entire session with a therapist who knew absolutely nothing about the indoctrination, and so my wife calmly and kindly "educated" the therapist. SO many medics and therapists have professional orgs that promote a trans-affirming agenda due to funding #FollowTheMoney as they say
I totally get the narcissism Steve. The engine that drives so many "identities" is the constant desire for validation, passing, celebration, specialness. Tribal acceptance. I've always felt that the narcissism that has to "enter" as fuel for that engine, simply drives out empathy, which is why the ideology (& those that promote it) seems to turn so many young people into such angry, intolerant, and fearful people. And this is a taboo that needs smashing I think
We have talked to my youngest daughters therapists. She's 14 now.
Shes had a few therapist
We informed them about what's going on with older sister, and that's a big reason why we are here etc.
They act as if they no have clue about what is going on and haven't talked to many gender confused adolescents
I don't believe them though. I can see it in their faces. Which makes me trust them even less to be alone with my daughter .
I think what happened in Tennessee is a manifestation of what you're taking about in that last paragraph
Gender ideology and critical race theory often involved ILLEGAL discrimination! Here are some recent victories I had against critical race theory in education and employment. The NYC film fund, a 7-million-dollar film fund which only helped upcoming artists if they wish to live as women, is now open to both sexes regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity because I complained to NYSDHR and they were found to have done illegal discrimination. I gathered evidence and filed complaints with NYSDHR and other FEPAs in other states, as well as OCR. Read my article to learn what my some of my victories are. https://open.substack.com/pub/justingaffneysamuels/p/using-factual-evidence-and-the-law?r=6512g&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Your account leaves me stunned and heartsick. I feel so sorry for you and your wife. My own daughter, off on a bad path, died at age 18. I could not help but see her death as her freedom from the hell she had chosen for herself.
I'm so sorry, love and power and strength to you, always
Im so sorry to hear that, wishing you power, strength and healing